A return to grace at Imola - well, sort of...
The Sangiovese was-a very nice. The race was so boring that I realised I was wasting the moment. The solution was simple. A decent drop of red had to be accompanied by something worthwhile - and Italian. I got out Giacomo Puccini's Turandot, put it on at high volume with the television on mute and sank back into my chair. Then things looked different. All I could see was a blood red Ferrari driven by a chap in a red helmet floating along. It was beautiful. I began to sing. Alas, it did not last. I made the mistake of attempting to do a Pavarotti. I had got myself to within glass-cracking pitch when Chipo walked into the room. No more Puccini, I am afraid. The television sound was restored. I then had to watch the race.
The last decent album Prince produced came out in 1991. It was aptly titled Diamonds and Pearls and had a cracking song called Cream. The point was that cream rises to the top. I quickly realised that yesterday's race was about the cream of the crop. Michael Schumacher had been summoned to the mountain top. He had been told that the meaning of life in Italy was at stake. Things had not been good in Italy for a while. The capo di tutti capi (the Mafia boss of all bosses) had been arrested in Corleone because he had insufficient clean underwear (his system of relaying messages to his missus had gone awry and the cops had managed to intercept the courier delivering the freshly laundered Y-fronts). The other mafia guy - a chap who had sworn to abstain from shagging if the Italians gave him their vote - was refusing to give up the Prime Ministership. The Pope was German. Things had to change. "Michael Schumacher, you are the cream!" the cry went out. "Save us from our misery," the Italians beseeched. And Schumacher - like the noble, honorary denizen of Maranello that he is - delivered the goods. The tifosi were, once again, able to cry tears of joy as the Ferrari anthem rang out through the speakers at Imola.
The message yesterday was clear. Never mind that your equipment may be inferior. If you can outthink your opponents you will rise to the top. And so we saw it. It was a race between two world champions, Fernando Alonso and Michael Schumacher. Alonso had the superior car. He was faster, much faster. But Schumacher out-thought him. Timing his pit-stops to perfection and using his Ferrari as a road-block, Michael Schumacher grinned to himself as he looked in his wing mirrors and observed a little Spaniard getting rattled. The tifosi fell to their knees and wept. "Belissimo!" they cried. The bells rang out throughout Imola.
If you are a Ferrari fan take comfort in the fact that your man won his home race for you. There will be few more sweets available for you to suck this year. Renault are, once again, the class of the field. But that is not the only bad news for you. The McLaren-Mercedes package is working Juan Pablo Montoya did not have to work too hard to gain his first podium of the season. McLaren look like they are in top form. If anything, yesterday's result tells me that, notwithstanding the genius of the German in the red overalls behind the wheel of the blood-red car, this year's championship will be fought between Renault and Mclaren. It is now safe to put money on Fernando Alonso. I am calling it early, folks. Alonso will be world champion again.
I don't think that Jenson Button receives my commentaries (Chipo, if you have his e-mail address, by all means forward them to him) but this is not the sort of news that he wants to hear. He is not a lucky man. When you sit in your car and race it round a circuit you have to do more than trust your driving skill. You also have to put your fate in the hands of a pit-crew of twenty-odd chaps. If any one of those chaps has it in for you or is having a bad day because his missus burned dinner on the previous night, your race could be destroyed. Jenson Button rolled up for new tyres and some fuel. The chap holding the lollipop in front of him to tell him when to go decided to release him, while the fuel nozzle was still attached to the body of his Honda. Result: chaos. Button put his foot on the accelerator and found himself dragging a refuelling rig and five chaps with him. At this point the lollipop guy decided to bring his lollipop down - on Jenson's head! You really couldn't make this up. To my English friends I say this: you stand a better chance of winning the football world cup than a Formula One world championship any time soon.
What happened to Kimi Raikkonen? I have the inside story. On Wednesday he was in Club Bundolo in Helsinki. Some bastard, obviously jealous of the vast number of tenners Raikkonen was able to stuff down the knickers of obliging honeys, decided to nick his Omega. Now, an Omega is no big deal for a chap as well paid as Raikkonen. But this was his lucky Omega. He cannot race without it. This upset him a lot. It may be a while before he recovers his composure. I gather they are recruiting some new Czech birds to help him regain his equilibrium in time to restore his championship chances..
Ferrari are not back, Alonso is still leading the championship and the next race is in Germany. Where did I put the cyanide…
Gitau
24 April 2006
The last decent album Prince produced came out in 1991. It was aptly titled Diamonds and Pearls and had a cracking song called Cream. The point was that cream rises to the top. I quickly realised that yesterday's race was about the cream of the crop. Michael Schumacher had been summoned to the mountain top. He had been told that the meaning of life in Italy was at stake. Things had not been good in Italy for a while. The capo di tutti capi (the Mafia boss of all bosses) had been arrested in Corleone because he had insufficient clean underwear (his system of relaying messages to his missus had gone awry and the cops had managed to intercept the courier delivering the freshly laundered Y-fronts). The other mafia guy - a chap who had sworn to abstain from shagging if the Italians gave him their vote - was refusing to give up the Prime Ministership. The Pope was German. Things had to change. "Michael Schumacher, you are the cream!" the cry went out. "Save us from our misery," the Italians beseeched. And Schumacher - like the noble, honorary denizen of Maranello that he is - delivered the goods. The tifosi were, once again, able to cry tears of joy as the Ferrari anthem rang out through the speakers at Imola.
The message yesterday was clear. Never mind that your equipment may be inferior. If you can outthink your opponents you will rise to the top. And so we saw it. It was a race between two world champions, Fernando Alonso and Michael Schumacher. Alonso had the superior car. He was faster, much faster. But Schumacher out-thought him. Timing his pit-stops to perfection and using his Ferrari as a road-block, Michael Schumacher grinned to himself as he looked in his wing mirrors and observed a little Spaniard getting rattled. The tifosi fell to their knees and wept. "Belissimo!" they cried. The bells rang out throughout Imola.
If you are a Ferrari fan take comfort in the fact that your man won his home race for you. There will be few more sweets available for you to suck this year. Renault are, once again, the class of the field. But that is not the only bad news for you. The McLaren-Mercedes package is working Juan Pablo Montoya did not have to work too hard to gain his first podium of the season. McLaren look like they are in top form. If anything, yesterday's result tells me that, notwithstanding the genius of the German in the red overalls behind the wheel of the blood-red car, this year's championship will be fought between Renault and Mclaren. It is now safe to put money on Fernando Alonso. I am calling it early, folks. Alonso will be world champion again.
I don't think that Jenson Button receives my commentaries (Chipo, if you have his e-mail address, by all means forward them to him) but this is not the sort of news that he wants to hear. He is not a lucky man. When you sit in your car and race it round a circuit you have to do more than trust your driving skill. You also have to put your fate in the hands of a pit-crew of twenty-odd chaps. If any one of those chaps has it in for you or is having a bad day because his missus burned dinner on the previous night, your race could be destroyed. Jenson Button rolled up for new tyres and some fuel. The chap holding the lollipop in front of him to tell him when to go decided to release him, while the fuel nozzle was still attached to the body of his Honda. Result: chaos. Button put his foot on the accelerator and found himself dragging a refuelling rig and five chaps with him. At this point the lollipop guy decided to bring his lollipop down - on Jenson's head! You really couldn't make this up. To my English friends I say this: you stand a better chance of winning the football world cup than a Formula One world championship any time soon.
What happened to Kimi Raikkonen? I have the inside story. On Wednesday he was in Club Bundolo in Helsinki. Some bastard, obviously jealous of the vast number of tenners Raikkonen was able to stuff down the knickers of obliging honeys, decided to nick his Omega. Now, an Omega is no big deal for a chap as well paid as Raikkonen. But this was his lucky Omega. He cannot race without it. This upset him a lot. It may be a while before he recovers his composure. I gather they are recruiting some new Czech birds to help him regain his equilibrium in time to restore his championship chances..
Ferrari are not back, Alonso is still leading the championship and the next race is in Germany. Where did I put the cyanide…
Gitau
24 April 2006
posted by Gitau at 11:58 am
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