Monaco's magnetic appeal
If you make a lot of money very quickly, there are two ways to behave. The first is to acquire the creature comforts of wealth in one’s home and then lead a virtuous and unassuming lifestyle. This is the approach favoured by Sir Jackie Stewart, three times Formula One world champion, perennial member of the Sunday Times Rich List and all round good egg.
The second approach is to give the world and your country the middle-fingered salute and seek out places in which to launch yourself irredeemably into a purely hedonistic existence; a life fuelled by caviar, lobster and champagne, frittered away on immoderate yachts and in casinos and entertained by harems of the world’s beauties in uplifting discussions about Uganda.
Enthusiasts of the second of these two radically different approaches – a fair number of ex-F1 drivers like David Coulthard among their number – find themselves drawn magnetically to a tiny principality in the Mediterranean called Monaco which, conveniently, happens to be a tax haven. Unsurprisingly, then, it was described by William Somerset Maugham, a renowned English author, as “a sunny place for shady people.” Because of the vast wealth and extravagance of its inhabitants, Monaco has earned a reputation for glamour.
Most people, if they are honest, would love a taste of the Monegasque lifestyle; most, sadly, will never come within a sniff of it. The character of the place is such that even its royal rulers are not immune to its pizzaz. Prince Rainer III, ruler of the principality until 2005, was married to an American film star, Grace Kelly. Their son the current ruler, Prince Albert II, so enjoys the company of alluring models that he has never troubled himself with the inopportuneness of a wife (besides, if the chap knows that he will have repeatedly to trade in his missus for a new and improved version, a marriage is guaranteed to be awkward).
Since Formula One has always been associated with glamour and lavishness, it is perhaps unsurprising that the sport has maintained such a close link with Monaco that it is inconceivable that the Monaco Grand Prix could ever be dropped from the Formula One calendar.
The race itself is thrilling not so much because of the wheel-to-wheel adrenaline charged manoeuvres one sees in races at Spa or Silverstone but because of the extraordinary character of the circuit. Racing around a circuit crafted through the streets of picturesque Monte Carlo is about tight, low speed corners, no run-off areas and a crowded track requiring intense concentration. Mistakes are punished heavily by the ever present, all-too-close circuit barriers. Big crashes are almost a certainty here. A win at Monaco is difficult to achieve but is every driver’s dream. Ask any driver the question “if you could only ever win one Grand Prix in your life, which would that be?” and the answer will be the same in every case: “Monaco”. To my eternal regret I am yet to visit Monte Carlo. But I have never missed a Monaco Grand Prix on television – it is far too important.
I met a disreputable French chap called Francois in Paris once who had been to Monte Carlo and honed his pick-pocketing trade to perfection. Unfortunately, his fondness for the casino almost proved to be his undoing. After one successful afternoon’s business, he decided to attempt multiplying his ill-gotten gains on the roulette wheel but, as he was doing so, his cleverly honed intuition picked up that he was being closely observed from the blackjack table.
By stealthily moving to a different position at his table, he was able to discern that the person watching him was the girlfriend of a very drunk fellow with his right arm round the lass and his body slumped against hers like a slaughtered carcass. The wasted chap had probably overdone it in seeking to numb his mind so as to forget about losing his generously stuffed wallet that afternoon. The woman, rightly suspicious that Francois had something to do with the missing wallet, was giving him a look which said nothing at all akin to “ooh, big boy, what’s your room number?” Francois’s instinct for self-preservation kicked in so fast that he was out of Monte Carlo and on a train to Nice before the suspicious lady could find a place to deposit the dead weight she was carrying and raise the alarm.
If the big beasts of Formula One have any instincts for self-preservation, the time for radical action is now if they are going to be able to prevent Red Bull running away with both championships this year. Red Bull has been on pole for every single one of the five races this year so far. Ill luck and erratic reliability have only translated these outstanding qualifying achievements into two race wins but they have consistently been at least one second faster than the opposition. One second is a lifetime in Formula One terms.
If you recall Fernando Alonso’s torrid few months at McLaren in 2007, you may remember that his chief complaint was that he was not receiving sufficient respect after, he claimed, single-handedly finding an extra six tenths of a second of speed in the McLaren car– a gargantuan achievement. This just shows you the mountain Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes and the others have to climb. I do not think any of them can find a second in a week. This and the virtual impossibility of overtaking at this circuit would suggest that the Monaco trophy is either Sebastian Vettel or Mark Webber’s to lose on Sunday. Whichever one of the two is able to nail pole position on Saturday should be able to go to sleep that night safe in the knowledge that, barring events, they will be receiving a gilded trophy from Prince Albert on Sunday afternoon.
But there is the rub: events. Monaco is a strange race and has been known to produce incredible results. Do not be surprised to see somebody you least expect sweeping past the chequered flag on Sunday.
The good news for fans of Jenson Button, Fernando Alonso and Lewis Hamilton is that the championship standings have not been unduly affected by the domination of Red Bull. Here they are:
Jenson Button (McLaren) – 70 points
Fernando Alonso (Ferrari) – 67
Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull) – 60
Mark Webber (Red Bull) – 53
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes) – 50
Lewis Hamilton (McLaren) – 49
Felipe Masss (Ferrari) – 49
Robert Kubica (Renault) – 44
Michael Schumacher – 22
Adrian Sutil (Force India) – 16
It has been suggested that I have something against Lewis Hamilton. Thinking about it, this is a reasonable conclusion to draw from my reporting of incidents which have affected the McLaren driver. I must deny the assertion, though. I think Hamilton is probably one of the most accomplished Formula One drivers we have seen in a generation. Nobody else overtakes cars lap after lap so effortlessly and with such panache. But Hamilton has lately been plagued by rotten luck. That is the problem. I have no doubt we will see him back at the top before long but we have to hope that he begins to enjoy better luck if we are to see it any time soon.
If your television is on the blink, go to a pub or a friend’s house. If your wife or girlfriend is unhappy, give her a wad of notes and tell her to go treat herself. If you are worried about your baby crying, get a babysitter. If the dog barks, throttle it. If a mate phones you, cancel his name from your Christmas card list. Just make sure you are on hand at the weekend to,
Enjoy Monaco!
Gitau
13 May 2010
The second approach is to give the world and your country the middle-fingered salute and seek out places in which to launch yourself irredeemably into a purely hedonistic existence; a life fuelled by caviar, lobster and champagne, frittered away on immoderate yachts and in casinos and entertained by harems of the world’s beauties in uplifting discussions about Uganda.
Enthusiasts of the second of these two radically different approaches – a fair number of ex-F1 drivers like David Coulthard among their number – find themselves drawn magnetically to a tiny principality in the Mediterranean called Monaco which, conveniently, happens to be a tax haven. Unsurprisingly, then, it was described by William Somerset Maugham, a renowned English author, as “a sunny place for shady people.” Because of the vast wealth and extravagance of its inhabitants, Monaco has earned a reputation for glamour.
Most people, if they are honest, would love a taste of the Monegasque lifestyle; most, sadly, will never come within a sniff of it. The character of the place is such that even its royal rulers are not immune to its pizzaz. Prince Rainer III, ruler of the principality until 2005, was married to an American film star, Grace Kelly. Their son the current ruler, Prince Albert II, so enjoys the company of alluring models that he has never troubled himself with the inopportuneness of a wife (besides, if the chap knows that he will have repeatedly to trade in his missus for a new and improved version, a marriage is guaranteed to be awkward).
Since Formula One has always been associated with glamour and lavishness, it is perhaps unsurprising that the sport has maintained such a close link with Monaco that it is inconceivable that the Monaco Grand Prix could ever be dropped from the Formula One calendar.
The race itself is thrilling not so much because of the wheel-to-wheel adrenaline charged manoeuvres one sees in races at Spa or Silverstone but because of the extraordinary character of the circuit. Racing around a circuit crafted through the streets of picturesque Monte Carlo is about tight, low speed corners, no run-off areas and a crowded track requiring intense concentration. Mistakes are punished heavily by the ever present, all-too-close circuit barriers. Big crashes are almost a certainty here. A win at Monaco is difficult to achieve but is every driver’s dream. Ask any driver the question “if you could only ever win one Grand Prix in your life, which would that be?” and the answer will be the same in every case: “Monaco”. To my eternal regret I am yet to visit Monte Carlo. But I have never missed a Monaco Grand Prix on television – it is far too important.
I met a disreputable French chap called Francois in Paris once who had been to Monte Carlo and honed his pick-pocketing trade to perfection. Unfortunately, his fondness for the casino almost proved to be his undoing. After one successful afternoon’s business, he decided to attempt multiplying his ill-gotten gains on the roulette wheel but, as he was doing so, his cleverly honed intuition picked up that he was being closely observed from the blackjack table.
By stealthily moving to a different position at his table, he was able to discern that the person watching him was the girlfriend of a very drunk fellow with his right arm round the lass and his body slumped against hers like a slaughtered carcass. The wasted chap had probably overdone it in seeking to numb his mind so as to forget about losing his generously stuffed wallet that afternoon. The woman, rightly suspicious that Francois had something to do with the missing wallet, was giving him a look which said nothing at all akin to “ooh, big boy, what’s your room number?” Francois’s instinct for self-preservation kicked in so fast that he was out of Monte Carlo and on a train to Nice before the suspicious lady could find a place to deposit the dead weight she was carrying and raise the alarm.
If the big beasts of Formula One have any instincts for self-preservation, the time for radical action is now if they are going to be able to prevent Red Bull running away with both championships this year. Red Bull has been on pole for every single one of the five races this year so far. Ill luck and erratic reliability have only translated these outstanding qualifying achievements into two race wins but they have consistently been at least one second faster than the opposition. One second is a lifetime in Formula One terms.
If you recall Fernando Alonso’s torrid few months at McLaren in 2007, you may remember that his chief complaint was that he was not receiving sufficient respect after, he claimed, single-handedly finding an extra six tenths of a second of speed in the McLaren car– a gargantuan achievement. This just shows you the mountain Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes and the others have to climb. I do not think any of them can find a second in a week. This and the virtual impossibility of overtaking at this circuit would suggest that the Monaco trophy is either Sebastian Vettel or Mark Webber’s to lose on Sunday. Whichever one of the two is able to nail pole position on Saturday should be able to go to sleep that night safe in the knowledge that, barring events, they will be receiving a gilded trophy from Prince Albert on Sunday afternoon.
But there is the rub: events. Monaco is a strange race and has been known to produce incredible results. Do not be surprised to see somebody you least expect sweeping past the chequered flag on Sunday.
The good news for fans of Jenson Button, Fernando Alonso and Lewis Hamilton is that the championship standings have not been unduly affected by the domination of Red Bull. Here they are:
Jenson Button (McLaren) – 70 points
Fernando Alonso (Ferrari) – 67
Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull) – 60
Mark Webber (Red Bull) – 53
Nico Rosberg (Mercedes) – 50
Lewis Hamilton (McLaren) – 49
Felipe Masss (Ferrari) – 49
Robert Kubica (Renault) – 44
Michael Schumacher – 22
Adrian Sutil (Force India) – 16
It has been suggested that I have something against Lewis Hamilton. Thinking about it, this is a reasonable conclusion to draw from my reporting of incidents which have affected the McLaren driver. I must deny the assertion, though. I think Hamilton is probably one of the most accomplished Formula One drivers we have seen in a generation. Nobody else overtakes cars lap after lap so effortlessly and with such panache. But Hamilton has lately been plagued by rotten luck. That is the problem. I have no doubt we will see him back at the top before long but we have to hope that he begins to enjoy better luck if we are to see it any time soon.
If your television is on the blink, go to a pub or a friend’s house. If your wife or girlfriend is unhappy, give her a wad of notes and tell her to go treat herself. If you are worried about your baby crying, get a babysitter. If the dog barks, throttle it. If a mate phones you, cancel his name from your Christmas card list. Just make sure you are on hand at the weekend to,
Enjoy Monaco!
Gitau
13 May 2010
posted by Gitau at 10:55 am
2 Comments:
The Red Bulls will take some stopping, but it really more than any other race, depends on qualifying.
Enough already! This processional rot made even Monaco a supreme bore. We need a bit of suspense, some variables. So mandate a second tyre change or go back to intra-race fueling or force them to take a tea break, but somebody, please, do something.
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