Magnificence and Monaco
Monaco is not one of those places that ordinary people go to. It is has more millionaires per capita than anywhere else in the world, so is probably far too glamorous for the likes of me. Whenever I have thoughts like this, I think of the words of one of my favourite authors, W. Somerset Maugham, and feel a lot better. He famously described the Côte d'Azur principality as "a sunny place for shady people."
The closest I got to visiting Monaco was many years ago while an impoverished student in Paris. I remember it well because it was also the one and only time I have ever been mugged. I had gone to see my friend, Laurent, at his flat one evening to share a bottle of Pastis and pretend to be a Left Bank intellectual with him in the mould of Jean Paul Sartre. The pretence did not last long because we got hungry, Laurent's fridge and larder were bare and, in keeping with the best traditions of the pissed student worldwide, we were a little short of sufficient francs for a takeaway. Laurent then had the brilliant idea of phoning his sister and persuading her to bring us some food. Until then I had heard nothing whatever about any sisters in Paris, Marseille or anywhere.
There was wisdom in Laurent's reticence, though. As soon as I laid eyes on Monique I fell in love. She was a statuesque revelation; the kind of woman you only ever dream about. The food she had brought for us to eat could just as well have been ashes for all I could taste. I shovelled it into my mouth while staring at Monique like a man recently released from a lunatic asylum. Later, as we chatted, I imploringly managed to extract an address from Monique and promised to visit her. She laughed dismissively and I swore to bite my bollocks if I never saw her again.
Had I been thinking rationally, I ought to have realised from her address that Monique was no ordinary lass. She lived in easily the swankiest part of Paris. When she opened her door to let me in and I surveyed the interior of her flat, I should have known then that I did not belong anywhere near Monique. On the wall opposite where I was standing was a blown up copy of a Vogue magazine cover featuring a Helmut Newton photograph of Monique wearing not a lot. She offered me a glass of wine and I sat down on a ludicrously expensive sofa and tried making small talk. "My boyfriend is coming round to pick me up for something to eat," she said sweetly. "Maybe you can join us." This was turning into my worst nightmare.
The rest of the evening was the most disastrous of my life. I sat across from this Monégasque millionaire nuzzling up to a purring Monique and wished I was dead. Curiously, Monique's boyfriend seemed to enjoy my company - or perhaps he was just a miserable sadist. In different circumstances I would have leapt at his offer of spending a weekend with them in his flat in Monaco ("we 'ave many friends, we 'ave good time!") but I had had enough of being a gooseberry to last me a lifetime and was not exactly thrilled about life. To cap it all off I got mugged by eight Arabs in the tunnels of the Opera Metro station as I made my way home to my fleapit. In the painful melee, I lost my blazer and an almost empty wallet. Once home I spent the night drenching my pillow in tears of despair. You will fully understand then why Monaco has not been high on my list of holiday destinations since!
Even I have to swallow any prejudices I may have against overly rich and glamorous people when it comes to the Monaco Grand Prix. If Formula One is the most glamorous, biggest money sport in the world, you do not get more glamorous or bigger money than the Monaco Grand Prix. It is the showcase event of the year. A win in Monaco is extremely highly coveted by Formula One drivers. A world championship is incomplete without at least one Monaco winner's trophy listed on the driver's CV. It is not as though the race itself is super fast or heavily action packed. Hardly. It is the sheer beauty and spectacle of the place, the narrow, very tricky street circuit and the ever present possibility of a massive crash. If you are an occasional Formula One fan this is the race to watch.
Who will win it? If I knew that I would be down at the bookmakers rather than reminiscing about what might have been with Monique!
Let's start with the championship leader, Kimi Raikkonen. He knows the circuit well and won the 2005 Monaco Grand Prix quite convincingly in a McLaren. Unfortunately for him, Ferrari has a patchy record at Monaco. No Ferrari driver has won in Monaco since 2001 and last year the Ferrari chassis was way too long for the tight chicanes at the Circuit de Monaco. But Kimi appears to be on a roll, so I wouldn’t count him out yet. The worst news for Raikkonen’s opponents is that he is doing well at circuits where he has traditionally struggled. The latter half of the season has all the Kimi tracks and he is going to begin it having amassed a comfortable cushion of points. Things look good for Kimi.
I rather fancy the chances of the McLaren drivers. They had a bit of a tyre problem in Turkey – which I must admit to finding terribly mystifying – but Lewis Hamilton still drove a stormer of a race. His three stop strategy was very aggressive but he executed it with panache and managed to achieve second place. He is up against it now that he is behind on points and would dearly love to get his name up on the Monaco scoreboard while sharing a glass or two with Prince Albert. Still, he’s probably worth a flutter; perhaps a tenner…
“Incidents, dear boy, incidents” is what Monaco is about. Any one such incident and we could end up with a random fellow like Adrian Sutil or Kazuki Nakajima stealing the limelight. Monaco is always fabulous, so it goes without saying that you will,
Enjoy Monaco!
Gitau
20 May 2008
The closest I got to visiting Monaco was many years ago while an impoverished student in Paris. I remember it well because it was also the one and only time I have ever been mugged. I had gone to see my friend, Laurent, at his flat one evening to share a bottle of Pastis and pretend to be a Left Bank intellectual with him in the mould of Jean Paul Sartre. The pretence did not last long because we got hungry, Laurent's fridge and larder were bare and, in keeping with the best traditions of the pissed student worldwide, we were a little short of sufficient francs for a takeaway. Laurent then had the brilliant idea of phoning his sister and persuading her to bring us some food. Until then I had heard nothing whatever about any sisters in Paris, Marseille or anywhere.
There was wisdom in Laurent's reticence, though. As soon as I laid eyes on Monique I fell in love. She was a statuesque revelation; the kind of woman you only ever dream about. The food she had brought for us to eat could just as well have been ashes for all I could taste. I shovelled it into my mouth while staring at Monique like a man recently released from a lunatic asylum. Later, as we chatted, I imploringly managed to extract an address from Monique and promised to visit her. She laughed dismissively and I swore to bite my bollocks if I never saw her again.
Had I been thinking rationally, I ought to have realised from her address that Monique was no ordinary lass. She lived in easily the swankiest part of Paris. When she opened her door to let me in and I surveyed the interior of her flat, I should have known then that I did not belong anywhere near Monique. On the wall opposite where I was standing was a blown up copy of a Vogue magazine cover featuring a Helmut Newton photograph of Monique wearing not a lot. She offered me a glass of wine and I sat down on a ludicrously expensive sofa and tried making small talk. "My boyfriend is coming round to pick me up for something to eat," she said sweetly. "Maybe you can join us." This was turning into my worst nightmare.
The rest of the evening was the most disastrous of my life. I sat across from this Monégasque millionaire nuzzling up to a purring Monique and wished I was dead. Curiously, Monique's boyfriend seemed to enjoy my company - or perhaps he was just a miserable sadist. In different circumstances I would have leapt at his offer of spending a weekend with them in his flat in Monaco ("we 'ave many friends, we 'ave good time!") but I had had enough of being a gooseberry to last me a lifetime and was not exactly thrilled about life. To cap it all off I got mugged by eight Arabs in the tunnels of the Opera Metro station as I made my way home to my fleapit. In the painful melee, I lost my blazer and an almost empty wallet. Once home I spent the night drenching my pillow in tears of despair. You will fully understand then why Monaco has not been high on my list of holiday destinations since!
Even I have to swallow any prejudices I may have against overly rich and glamorous people when it comes to the Monaco Grand Prix. If Formula One is the most glamorous, biggest money sport in the world, you do not get more glamorous or bigger money than the Monaco Grand Prix. It is the showcase event of the year. A win in Monaco is extremely highly coveted by Formula One drivers. A world championship is incomplete without at least one Monaco winner's trophy listed on the driver's CV. It is not as though the race itself is super fast or heavily action packed. Hardly. It is the sheer beauty and spectacle of the place, the narrow, very tricky street circuit and the ever present possibility of a massive crash. If you are an occasional Formula One fan this is the race to watch.
Who will win it? If I knew that I would be down at the bookmakers rather than reminiscing about what might have been with Monique!
Let's start with the championship leader, Kimi Raikkonen. He knows the circuit well and won the 2005 Monaco Grand Prix quite convincingly in a McLaren. Unfortunately for him, Ferrari has a patchy record at Monaco. No Ferrari driver has won in Monaco since 2001 and last year the Ferrari chassis was way too long for the tight chicanes at the Circuit de Monaco. But Kimi appears to be on a roll, so I wouldn’t count him out yet. The worst news for Raikkonen’s opponents is that he is doing well at circuits where he has traditionally struggled. The latter half of the season has all the Kimi tracks and he is going to begin it having amassed a comfortable cushion of points. Things look good for Kimi.
I rather fancy the chances of the McLaren drivers. They had a bit of a tyre problem in Turkey – which I must admit to finding terribly mystifying – but Lewis Hamilton still drove a stormer of a race. His three stop strategy was very aggressive but he executed it with panache and managed to achieve second place. He is up against it now that he is behind on points and would dearly love to get his name up on the Monaco scoreboard while sharing a glass or two with Prince Albert. Still, he’s probably worth a flutter; perhaps a tenner…
“Incidents, dear boy, incidents” is what Monaco is about. Any one such incident and we could end up with a random fellow like Adrian Sutil or Kazuki Nakajima stealing the limelight. Monaco is always fabulous, so it goes without saying that you will,
Enjoy Monaco!
Gitau
20 May 2008
posted by Gitau at 4:32 pm
<< Home