Desert follies
I have never hidden my disdain for the state of the art circuit at Sakhir in the empty desert of Bahrain. Forsaking time-honoured classic circuits like Watkins Glen, New York, Kyalami, South Africa and The A1 Ring, Austria, Bernie Ecclestone chose to persuade his Arab sheikh friends to part with some dosh and construct a circuit in the desert four years ago which was at first and still remains resolutely counter-intuitive. The cynicism of all this causes the blood to boil. If the championship was not the result of an entire season of races, I would advise disregarding Bahrain and doing something else at the weekend with your time. As we saw last year and many times previously, in Formula One you cannot afford to write off any race. Every last point matters in the end.
There is a distasteful "mine is bigger than yours" tendency rearing its ugly head in the Middle East. Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia revealed plans the other day to construct a skyscraper one mile high near Jeddah. The monstrosity will stand at a height of 1,600m (5,200ft), more than twice as tall as the next tallest building in the world. There is no need for any such erection in Jeddah or anywhere else in the world; but there is an overwhelming urge felt by the sheikh to stick two fingers up at his kinsmen across the Arabian Gulf in Dubai.
You see, the Dubai sheikhs have gone a little mad with this whole construction business. Tired of travelling the world to see its wonders, they woke up one morning and said to themselves ""f***k it, we can build it all here! Who needs Alpine ski slopes when you can build an internal ski resort complete with lots of artificial snow? Who needs to go to New York or Shanghai to see buildings disappearing into the sky? We will have Burj Dubai. In fact, while we are at it, who needs the world? We'll build a new world in the sea!" The Burj Dubai bit was too much for poor old Prince Al-Waleed. The other stuff was playboy rubbish to him but this spoke to him. He was happily planning a trip to see the family of his latest wife when along came a letter inviting him to the official opening of Burj Dubai. It ruined his day. So much so that he was soon in serious discussions with architects and construction engineers. And so, we will soon have the pointless mile-high building. Ridiculous.
Similar feelings lay behind the momentous decision to construct a Formula One circuit on Yas Island in Abu Dhabi. The Abu Dhabi sheikhs watched Bahrain glowing in the celebrity firmament as it hosted race after race of the world's most glamorous sport and choked on their super-sweet tea. "We have more oil than they do, have we not? We get more global attention than they do, do we not? So why the devil do they get to host the world's celebrities in their bit of the desert once a year and we don't? This cannot continue!" And so it came to pass. Bernie Ecclestone was summoned to the Emir's palace, showered with gold and told to get on with the job. He did. From 2009 there will be two Grands Prix in the desert. Lord, give me strength...
These sheikhs can be hypocritical bastards. The Arab countries are all supposed to be "dry", so you won't see any champagne on the Bahrain podium on Sunday. Instead they will provide some frothy piss for the podium spraying games - which is guaranteed to delight Kimi Raikkonen no end. But if you go into the tourist hotels you can have as much booze as you like. Your boozing companions, surprise surprise, will be the self same sheikhs.
The closest I have come to murdering a man was in London in the '90s while shopping with Liz, my then girlfriend. Liz had long blond hair which went all the way to the small of her back. As we moved up the escalator in Selfridges to the Ladies footwear section, we heard a throaty but very audible whisper from behind us declare "how much for hair?" We turned to see a swarthy Arab sheikh in full regalia (white dress, red and white handkerchief on his head - you know the look) smiling broadly. When the escalator got to the top he quickly took me aside and asked how much I wanted for Liz. I gathered as much phlegm as I could in my throat and gave his head-handkerchief a good shower before grabbing Liz and leaving the shop. Later that year, a German doctor received 50 lashes in Arabia for daring to snog a nurse who was not his wife.
It may be in Bahrain but it is also round three in the Formula One world championship battle. Ferrari came back with impressive vigour in Malaysia and, with his win there, Kimi Raikkonen is now well up in the championship battle with 11 points behind Lewis Hamilton's 14. 2008 is looking less like a two horse race than I had predicted. I am delighted to see BMW doing so well. At least one has finished on the podium in each of the two races thus far (which is more than can be said for either Ferrari or McLaren) and Nick Heidfeld is equal on points with the reigning world champion.
Bahrain is a crap circuit, so qualifying is super-important. Races have tended to be dull affairs in Bahrain and one can fully expect that the qualifying order will also be the race finishing order. I hope I am surprised. I hope there is a freak storm in Sakhir and dust and rain everywhere on Sunday. I hope also that I will step out of my flat tomorrow morning and slide into a nice new Ferrari...
Enjoy Bahrain!
Gitau
03 April 2008
There is a distasteful "mine is bigger than yours" tendency rearing its ugly head in the Middle East. Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia revealed plans the other day to construct a skyscraper one mile high near Jeddah. The monstrosity will stand at a height of 1,600m (5,200ft), more than twice as tall as the next tallest building in the world. There is no need for any such erection in Jeddah or anywhere else in the world; but there is an overwhelming urge felt by the sheikh to stick two fingers up at his kinsmen across the Arabian Gulf in Dubai.
You see, the Dubai sheikhs have gone a little mad with this whole construction business. Tired of travelling the world to see its wonders, they woke up one morning and said to themselves ""f***k it, we can build it all here! Who needs Alpine ski slopes when you can build an internal ski resort complete with lots of artificial snow? Who needs to go to New York or Shanghai to see buildings disappearing into the sky? We will have Burj Dubai. In fact, while we are at it, who needs the world? We'll build a new world in the sea!" The Burj Dubai bit was too much for poor old Prince Al-Waleed. The other stuff was playboy rubbish to him but this spoke to him. He was happily planning a trip to see the family of his latest wife when along came a letter inviting him to the official opening of Burj Dubai. It ruined his day. So much so that he was soon in serious discussions with architects and construction engineers. And so, we will soon have the pointless mile-high building. Ridiculous.
Similar feelings lay behind the momentous decision to construct a Formula One circuit on Yas Island in Abu Dhabi. The Abu Dhabi sheikhs watched Bahrain glowing in the celebrity firmament as it hosted race after race of the world's most glamorous sport and choked on their super-sweet tea. "We have more oil than they do, have we not? We get more global attention than they do, do we not? So why the devil do they get to host the world's celebrities in their bit of the desert once a year and we don't? This cannot continue!" And so it came to pass. Bernie Ecclestone was summoned to the Emir's palace, showered with gold and told to get on with the job. He did. From 2009 there will be two Grands Prix in the desert. Lord, give me strength...
These sheikhs can be hypocritical bastards. The Arab countries are all supposed to be "dry", so you won't see any champagne on the Bahrain podium on Sunday. Instead they will provide some frothy piss for the podium spraying games - which is guaranteed to delight Kimi Raikkonen no end. But if you go into the tourist hotels you can have as much booze as you like. Your boozing companions, surprise surprise, will be the self same sheikhs.
The closest I have come to murdering a man was in London in the '90s while shopping with Liz, my then girlfriend. Liz had long blond hair which went all the way to the small of her back. As we moved up the escalator in Selfridges to the Ladies footwear section, we heard a throaty but very audible whisper from behind us declare "how much for hair?" We turned to see a swarthy Arab sheikh in full regalia (white dress, red and white handkerchief on his head - you know the look) smiling broadly. When the escalator got to the top he quickly took me aside and asked how much I wanted for Liz. I gathered as much phlegm as I could in my throat and gave his head-handkerchief a good shower before grabbing Liz and leaving the shop. Later that year, a German doctor received 50 lashes in Arabia for daring to snog a nurse who was not his wife.
It may be in Bahrain but it is also round three in the Formula One world championship battle. Ferrari came back with impressive vigour in Malaysia and, with his win there, Kimi Raikkonen is now well up in the championship battle with 11 points behind Lewis Hamilton's 14. 2008 is looking less like a two horse race than I had predicted. I am delighted to see BMW doing so well. At least one has finished on the podium in each of the two races thus far (which is more than can be said for either Ferrari or McLaren) and Nick Heidfeld is equal on points with the reigning world champion.
Bahrain is a crap circuit, so qualifying is super-important. Races have tended to be dull affairs in Bahrain and one can fully expect that the qualifying order will also be the race finishing order. I hope I am surprised. I hope there is a freak storm in Sakhir and dust and rain everywhere on Sunday. I hope also that I will step out of my flat tomorrow morning and slide into a nice new Ferrari...
Enjoy Bahrain!
Gitau
03 April 2008
posted by Gitau at 3:52 pm
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