The Korean Grand Prix

Writing while German bombs were raining down on England in 1941, George Orwell had this to say about the stechschritt or, as it is pejoratively known in English, the goose-step:



"The goose-step is one of the most horrible sights in the world, far more terrifying than a dive-bomber. It is simply an affirmation of naked power; contained in it, quite consciously and intentionally, is the vision of a boot crashing down on a face. Its ugliness is part of its essence, for what it is saying is ‘Yes, I am ugly, and you daren't laugh at me’, like the bully who makes faces at his victim."

Orwell was writing this in description of the parade step used by the German and Italian armies of the time. His words haunted me as I watched television images of military celebrations marking the 65th anniversary of the Workers party at which Korean soldiers were marching to salute Kim Jong-il and his chosen successor, the podgy youngster Kim Jong-un. If Orwell despised the German goose-step, its Korean version would have turned his blood to ice. Theirs has all the intimidating elements of the goose-step of earlier times but includes a curious bobbing step which looks designed to wreak havoc on the soldiers’ hamstrings. Most disquietingly, the jogging effect means that the soldier’s right boot comes crashing down with thunderous ferocity. One is left in no doubt that the bayonet at the end of the stiffly grasped rifle will be unhesitatingly applied towards skewering one’s guts.

“What in the name of anything sacred has Bernie Ecclestone gone and done now,” I asked myself. “It is bad enough that he allows Formula One to be the plaything of Arab potentates but this is of a different order of magnitude. A Grand Prix in as ghastly a place as this? He has surely gone mad!” I was about to write an angry letter of complaint when flooding back came long remembered scenes of a black chap in Canadian colours destroying the world record for the 100 metres dash and raising his right finger aloft as he crossed the finishing line. The pictures of a drug-infused Ben Johnson were shot in Seoul in 1988, not Pyongyang. Korea, after all, has been a divided country since the end of World War II.

The northern bit has goose-stepping soldiers reinforcing the most totalitarian regime in the world while the southern bit has all the ingredients of a top flight Formula One destination: fast cars, luxury yachts, glamorous women and designer shops. If anything, South Korea should have had its own F1 race many years before the Arabs were allowed to get in on the act. My failure to distinguish between the two conspicuously different Koreas is understandable when you consider that the powers that be chose to call this weekend’s motor racing event the Korean Grand Prix and not the South Korean Grand Prix. Or maybe Bernie Ecclestone knows something about politics that the rest of the world does not. Perhaps he has such faith in the unifying magnetism of Formula One that he expects the fact of there being a “Korean Grand Prix” will be a self fulfilling prophecy for the country itself.

I will leave that for others to consider while I consider this weekend’s Grand Prix and what it may do for the world championship. First, despite having previously demonstrated their skill at hosting a major international sporting event, South Korea have seemed woefully ill-prepared for the arrival of the F1 circus. The circuit is so brand new that the tarmac was laid only a fortnight ago. Tarmac of racing thickness needs at least three months to "bed in" properly, else oil rises to the top and makes the track dangerously slippery. Notwithstanding this, the FIA have approved the Yeongam circuit, so we have to accept that it is safe. Doubtless, though, it will be difficult to drive.

Add this to the obvious fact that none of the world championship contenders knows what Yeongam is like to drive and we have the perfect makings of an unpredictable race. Yeongam will result in one of three possibilities.

First, the two McLaren drivers getting back in the mix and reintroducing the five-way championship we have enjoyed for a good part of this season. This could easily happen if both Red Bulls take each other out and Ferrari have a bad day.

Second, one or both of the McLarens make a mess of things and the race is left to be fought between Red Bull and Ferrari and a three way championship results.

Third, Ferrari is eliminated and the championship comes down to a straight fight between the two Red Bull drivers.

Lots to think about as you contemplate how much to sacrifice in your wager at the bookies. A tip for you: Hamilton knows how to master a track through nothing more than simulators better than any other driver.

Enjoy Korea!

Gitau

22 October 2010

A seesaw in Suzuka

Ever since the automobile was first invented by a big German chap with extravagant facial hair called Karl Benz, Europe has been the undisputed heavyweight champion of motor vehicle manufacturing. The Americans quickly recognised this fact a long time ago and chose not to step into the vehicle production ring with the Europeans but concentrated instead on designing and building cars which suited themselves and their big country comfortably.

The Japanese - perhaps taking their cue from their dainty, coquetish women who insidiously charm their way into the lives of men and cause them to risk being stabbed by their wives at night - did not follow the Americans but quietly chose to take on the Europeans by building small, reliable, efficient and, importantly, inexpensive cars. By the time the Europeans realised what was going on, the Japanese had graduated on to the full range of motor vehicles and were on equal terms with them as a global heavyweight car-producing entity in their own right.

You cannot make good cars without also wanting to have a bit of fun in them. The Japanese observed the European Formula One championship from afar and saw that it was good. To entitle themselves to a piece of the action forever and a day, they then proceeded to construct one of the best circuits in the world at a place called Suzuka.

I came to appreciate the significance of Suzuka to the serious F1 watching world from a friendship I struck up many years ago with a large Boer chap from a family of fishermen. The fisherman Boer knew a thing or two about cars generally and was a walking encyclopedia of Formula One. He could recall obscure facts about races that had happened even before he was born sooner than it took for him to draw breath. I once asked him which circuits he rated most highly and he smiled conspiratorially before whispering "the Ss". I quickly came to understand two things. First was that he was referring to Spa, Silverstone and Suzuka. Secondly, he was absolutely spot-on: these are by far and away the best circuits on the F1 calendar because of their interesting peculiariaties. Suzuka's peculiarity is that it is the only figure of eight circuit on the calendar.

The Japanese Grand Prix moved to a different circuit called Fuji a couple of years ago and was won during a monsoon-like downpour by British rookie, Lewis Hamilton. Fuji is owned by Toyota and Suzuka by Toyota’s arch rival Honda. It was agreed at about the time of Hamilton’s victory that the Japanese Grand Prix would alternate between the two circuits from year to year, but Toyota have since pulled out on account of cost and Suzuka, easily the more impressive of the two circuits, will now be the home of the Japanese Grand Prix for the foreseeable future. I for one am not complaining.

It is with some glee then that I anticipate the motor racing action this weekend at Suzuka. Like many of my betting friends, I have a strong suspicion that the five way battle that has so enthralled us thus far is on a seesaw. After Suzuka, the world championship will either still be a five way battle or two or more contenders will have been eliminated in all but vain hope. And this will be in keeping with the history of the Japanese Grand Prix as a championship decider.

Going by recent F1 history of the Japanese Grand Prix at Suzuka, of the five championship contenders I would expect either Fernando Alonso, Sebastian Vettel or Lewis Hamilton to be best placed for victory. Both Alonso and Vettel have achieved a win at Suzuka in the last few years and Hamilton made it to the podium in an uncompetitive car last year, so I am hard put to favour one driver over the other two. Button and Webber are not exactly going to be sitting on the sidelines smoking Cohibas while the other three battle things out on Saturday and Sunday and recent form suggests that they could not possibly be more fired up. I am not, therefore, betting anything on the result.

People have often attempted to engage me in debate as to the wisdom of an African eating raw fish while possessed of a constitution conditioned by years of eating dishes of steaming starch and piping hot flesh from grass-eating animals. I have always refused to be drawn on the subject but I suspect I may find myself musing on it this weekend as I tuck into some delicious sushi and sip some sake. I am looking forward to it and sincerely hope that you too will,

Enjoy Suzuka!

Gitau

6 October 2010