The return of the android
Have you ever wondered why, with very limited exceptions, African presidents tend not to retire willingly? Something about the saluting soldiers, cheering crowds, ululating women and toadying lackeys gets in amongst their innards and causes them to value their positions more highly than life itself. They simply cannot bear the thought of life lived any differently. Witness the behaviour of Yoweri Kaguta Museveni, President of Uganda. Once a revolutionary populist on a mission to change Uganda and leave it a better place after a limited time as president, he is now a fully fledged African Big Man. Not only has Museveni done all he can to make clear to all and sundry that the only acceptable receptacle for his removal from State House, Uganda is a coffin, he has filled his government and the military with close family members to ensure that his back is safely covered. Sadly, Museveni’s affliction is one familiar to Africans up and down the vast continent.
It must be said, though, that there is nothing peculiarly African about the Museveni phenomenon. It is one observed in the attitude to power of senior politicians everywhere. Unfortunately for many of their ilk in mature democracies such as the United Kingdom, the luxury of being able to manipulate the law to suit a politician’s megalomania is unavailable. Take for example former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. After being unceremoniously bundled out of 10 Downing Street, she complained bitterly about the “inconvenience” of having to wait at traffic lights while being driven around London whereas she had previously enjoyed over a decade of whizzing through all traffic obstacles at 70+ miles an hour. This is the all consuming nature of lots of power. One day you can declare war on any Third World country you feel like, the next you are just a doddery old lady who has to sit in traffic and suffer the indignity of serfs pointing at your car and saying “Ooh, look that’s Maggie Thatcher. Isn’t she old and ugly now?”
The feelings of a retired Formula One World Champion are not dissimilar. Climbing out of your car as the winner of a Grand Prix and hearing the mighty roar of a thrilled crowd and then seeing flags waving round a packed circuit must tug hard at the heart strings. It must make a successful driver yearn for more, much more. When, like Michael Schumacher, you have stood on the top step of a Grand Prix podium 91 times, retiring must feel like your thumping heart has been extracted and replaced by a lead weight. Schumacher may have amassed a fortune incapable of dissipation in two lifetimes but none of the pleasures of this world can measure up to the adrenaline rush provided by going wheel to wheel in a Formula One car on a race day at say, Spa or Silverstone.
Worst of all for Schumacher, as a special consultant to Ferrari, he has been present on the Ferrari pit wall for nearly every race since he retired at the end of 2006. To see the likes of Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel “doing a Schumacher” must have felt like slow torture. He has been bored and frustrated at home and probably furious at himself for having retired while he still had it in him to win a world championship. Now that the opportunity to drive for Brawn GP as the newly branded Mercedes team has been presented to him, it is no surprise that Schumacher has seized it with both hands and abandoned his retirement. The question on everyone’s lips is “is it wise?” I am not sure.
First, retirement with tons of cash is a privilege. The way to handle the inevitable ennui brought on by days, months and years of nothingness is to do a Hugh Heffner. Hef handed over the keys to the Playboy empire to his daughter and then retired in style. For stability and some kids, he married a Playmate of the year. But the wily Hef had struck a deal with her which allowed him a never ending flow of additional Playmates into his mansion. Even now while in his eighties, Hef rarely has a smile absent from his face. That, surely, has to be the way to do it!
Secondly, there is a real risk that Schumacher may find himself embarrassed by the young talent out there and take the shine off his glittering reputation somewhat. Schumacher was a driving sensation like none other. He was such a dominant presence in Formula One that many were glad to see him go just for the prospect of seeing other people winning races. When he was at the top of his game there was simply no better driver. I have doubts at whether he was at the very top of his game in the last two years of his career. In both those years, the young Spanish driver, Fernando Alonso, took him on and beat him. Crucially, when it came to crunch moments when one driver either had to relent or die, it was Schumacher, not Alonso, who backed off. As Alonso sagely said at the time when asked why he thought this had happened “Michael has two kids”.
As a father myself, I fully empathise: your ability to make do or die decisions is constrained when the delicate lives of others are involved. Quick, hungry and vastly talented drivers like Messrs Hamilton, Alonso and Vettel suffer no such hindrance. They will relish the challenge of taking on the 41 year old Schumacher, seven times world champion or not. For these chaps, the news of Schumacher’s announcement today will probably be the best Christmas present they have received.
Whatever the case, today’s news introduces an additional element of intrigue for the 2010 season which is delightful to acknowledge. I am almost tingling at the prospect. Just the thing one needs for the Christmas festivities. Have a lovely one!
Gitau
23 December 2009
It must be said, though, that there is nothing peculiarly African about the Museveni phenomenon. It is one observed in the attitude to power of senior politicians everywhere. Unfortunately for many of their ilk in mature democracies such as the United Kingdom, the luxury of being able to manipulate the law to suit a politician’s megalomania is unavailable. Take for example former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. After being unceremoniously bundled out of 10 Downing Street, she complained bitterly about the “inconvenience” of having to wait at traffic lights while being driven around London whereas she had previously enjoyed over a decade of whizzing through all traffic obstacles at 70+ miles an hour. This is the all consuming nature of lots of power. One day you can declare war on any Third World country you feel like, the next you are just a doddery old lady who has to sit in traffic and suffer the indignity of serfs pointing at your car and saying “Ooh, look that’s Maggie Thatcher. Isn’t she old and ugly now?”
The feelings of a retired Formula One World Champion are not dissimilar. Climbing out of your car as the winner of a Grand Prix and hearing the mighty roar of a thrilled crowd and then seeing flags waving round a packed circuit must tug hard at the heart strings. It must make a successful driver yearn for more, much more. When, like Michael Schumacher, you have stood on the top step of a Grand Prix podium 91 times, retiring must feel like your thumping heart has been extracted and replaced by a lead weight. Schumacher may have amassed a fortune incapable of dissipation in two lifetimes but none of the pleasures of this world can measure up to the adrenaline rush provided by going wheel to wheel in a Formula One car on a race day at say, Spa or Silverstone.
Worst of all for Schumacher, as a special consultant to Ferrari, he has been present on the Ferrari pit wall for nearly every race since he retired at the end of 2006. To see the likes of Fernando Alonso, Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel “doing a Schumacher” must have felt like slow torture. He has been bored and frustrated at home and probably furious at himself for having retired while he still had it in him to win a world championship. Now that the opportunity to drive for Brawn GP as the newly branded Mercedes team has been presented to him, it is no surprise that Schumacher has seized it with both hands and abandoned his retirement. The question on everyone’s lips is “is it wise?” I am not sure.
First, retirement with tons of cash is a privilege. The way to handle the inevitable ennui brought on by days, months and years of nothingness is to do a Hugh Heffner. Hef handed over the keys to the Playboy empire to his daughter and then retired in style. For stability and some kids, he married a Playmate of the year. But the wily Hef had struck a deal with her which allowed him a never ending flow of additional Playmates into his mansion. Even now while in his eighties, Hef rarely has a smile absent from his face. That, surely, has to be the way to do it!
Secondly, there is a real risk that Schumacher may find himself embarrassed by the young talent out there and take the shine off his glittering reputation somewhat. Schumacher was a driving sensation like none other. He was such a dominant presence in Formula One that many were glad to see him go just for the prospect of seeing other people winning races. When he was at the top of his game there was simply no better driver. I have doubts at whether he was at the very top of his game in the last two years of his career. In both those years, the young Spanish driver, Fernando Alonso, took him on and beat him. Crucially, when it came to crunch moments when one driver either had to relent or die, it was Schumacher, not Alonso, who backed off. As Alonso sagely said at the time when asked why he thought this had happened “Michael has two kids”.
As a father myself, I fully empathise: your ability to make do or die decisions is constrained when the delicate lives of others are involved. Quick, hungry and vastly talented drivers like Messrs Hamilton, Alonso and Vettel suffer no such hindrance. They will relish the challenge of taking on the 41 year old Schumacher, seven times world champion or not. For these chaps, the news of Schumacher’s announcement today will probably be the best Christmas present they have received.
Whatever the case, today’s news introduces an additional element of intrigue for the 2010 season which is delightful to acknowledge. I am almost tingling at the prospect. Just the thing one needs for the Christmas festivities. Have a lovely one!
Gitau
23 December 2009
posted by Gitau at 4:53 pm
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